Love is not an emotion but a language. It’s spoken by many and understood by few. 
Love is not an emotion, it’s a recipe. It is a mixture of euphoria and perfection. 
Love is oxygen. It is everywhere and needed by everyone. Love is weightlessness. 
It’s the medicine healing us from depression and doubt but it is also the contagious sickness, infecting the hearts of most. 
Love is eyes meeting and hearts beating as one. It is pure and imperfect.
It’s the alarm that wakes us daily, and the push that gets us out of bed. 
It’s the grip that makes you hold on like a child grasping a balloon. 
It’s the skipped heartbeat and the dropped jaw. 
It’s the kiss that leaves you wanting more and the shiver in your spine when you see that person. 
It’s the hug that protects you from the world and the genuine smile leaving you breathless. 
Love is also poison. It destroys us from the inside out. The only way to heal it is another form of itself. 
Love is a standtill of time. 
It is the past, the present and the future and most importantly, love is now.

It’s these nights of countless thoughts. My eyes are asleep but my mind is yet again struck with insomnia. It becomes a criminal, running from the very thoughts that try to capture it. My body turns limp. The eerie silence around me becomes deafening and my thoughts become a OCD’s worst nightmare, littered around like the pieces of a newly opened puzzle.

The silence is broken by a faint squeak of my bed as I toss and turn, unable to keep a blank mind. More and more, I am pushed to the edge of insanity, and more and more do I try to fight it. But my mind is weak. All of a sudden, everything hits me. Unable fight against it, I give in. A million emotions turned tears stream down my cheeks. 

I rub my face on my blanket to rid my cheeks of the plague of tears. The relentless tears create a spot of dark blue on my pillow where they have clearly dropped. It forms a slight heart shape that reminds me of you. 

Tell me, have you ever just stared at the stars? You start to get lost and they seem so amazing. But then you realize how small you really are compared to them. You seem so insignificant. That’s what I see when I look in your eyes. Your eyes have the same twinkle as stars, but they also give me the same feeling of insignificance. 

Then, I am attacked by a flurry of questions. Leaving bruises on my conscience. I then realize that you are only a fraction of my thoughts. So tell me, why the fuck do I feel like this? Why are thoughts of you slowly occupying my mind? It starts a revolution and takes over every fabric of my being. And soon enough, you are the only thing I can think about.

These nights start becoming more and more common. It soon becomes a routine to my everyday life. It becomes just as natural to me as breakfast or dinner. The worst part is going to school the morning after and pretending as if I didn’t just cry myself to sleep the night before. Wearing a mask on my face in the form of a smile. Hiding my true feelings of depression and heartbreak. 

I can only drag myself around school, hoping for the day to end. As nighttime comes, I collapse on my bed. Tears streaming down my face even before I make contact with my bed. And it starts all over again.

Listen, to the silence that leaves us hollow.

 Listen, to the tension so strong that it leaves us speechless.

 Listen, to the awkwardness left between us when we have no further communication. 

Listen, to the sudden increase of my heartbeat every time I catch a glimpse of you or even smell your aroma. 

These ears hear every noise emanating from your body. 

My mind engulfs itself in you like a tornado taking it’s final blow.

 Your eyes pierce through my skull. 

Your image is engraved into my mind, to the point where sometimes, I see you in everything I do. 

Whether it be the times when I drag myself to school or sit alone in my room. I see you in everything I do. 

Without you, life loses it’s color. It transforms into a desolate wasteland that leaves me longing for the only salvation.

YOU. 

I hear your voice in my mind and it is a playback that sends shivers down every part of my body. 

It sends me to a utopia that leaves me speechless. 

I wish that we would never leave the moment when our arms are entwined in each other and for a single second, our hearts beat as one. 

As we embrace and all I can do is hear your breath slowly passing my ear.

All I can do is count the moments that pass us, hoping to rewind this memory over and over. 

I try to catch your attention, wishing that just maybe, I might cross your mind once in a while. 

Wishing that one day, I can finally have the right to call you mine. Hoping that one day, we can repeat these moments.

The moment when the silence is not awkward. 

The moment when we finally create the memories I have been longing for. 

The moment when we hold each other in our arms and just listen. “

They say “Time heals all wounds.” But they never exactly tell us how much time. 

But for some reason, with you, I like to keep these wounds open. Just so I remember the pain you have brought me.

I leave them open and these cuts get infected with all the lies and deceit you have told me. Infected by all the times I messed up. By all the times, I thought these feeling were mutual and I had thought, just for one moment that we could actually be together. 

But no, you rip my heart open and out spills the emotions and secrets I have long hidden from you. 

You throw my heart on the sidewalk and treat it as if you don’t care. But then again, you probably don’t.

You filled my mind with an ocean of lies and I drowned thinking that they were real. I drowned in the hope and the longing for your affection. 

I flew blind hoping that you would be my wingman and help me get through my struggles and problems, but instead, you became one of them.

 You became the infection that you had previously caused. But sadly, you are the only antibiotic in sight.

 And now my heart is swollen. It sits in my chest beating at an irregular pace.

Waiting for you to come along and realize the damage you have dealt to it.

It sits there, longing to have your attention. And when you finally notice that it is there, it revives itself and sporadically makes me say things that I regret keeping from you. But then, you leave, and my heart goes back into it’s “normal” state.

On the sidewalk, Infected. 

dedicated to someone special

To the girl with the cute smile. To me, you’re perfect. And although you deny it, that doesn’t stop me from believing it.

You say that you are far from it, but it is in those so called “flaws” that I see your perfection. Whether it be your little giggle or the way that you hug me so tightly that I feel as if I am protected from the world.

Your beauty leaves me in awe and I find myself sometimes staring off into space only to realize that my eyes are focused on you. My eyes trace every line in your face like a beautiful painting. And when our eyes connect, my heart skips a beat. 

You are able to cheer me up when I am at my worst and give me something to look forward to everyday. You are the first thing the that enters my mind when I wake up, and the last thing that leaves when I go to sleep. And on occasion, you’re all I think about. 

You’ve given me memories that I will never forget. And all the moments I have spent with you, I will always remember. You have become a part of my life that I hope will be there with me in the future.

You make life enjoyable. You are my light at the end of the tunnel when all seems lost. You have filled this world of black and white, with color. I can’t help but cherish every second I have with you.

I sometimes force myself to stay up just to continue our conversation. YOU have turned into my insomnia. But for some reason, it’s worth it. It’s worth hearing your voice on the other end of the line or just seeing your name on the caller ID. 

I can’t help but to be selfish with you. I know it sounds strange but I want you all to myself. I wanna be the reason behind your smile. And I hope to make you as happy as you make me. 

This poem is smallest way to describe how amazing you truly are. The words used to describe you have yet to be added in the English dictionary. Because girls like you come around maybe once in a lifetime. You are a snowflake among the vast population of individuals. You’re special in every way possible and knowing you is best thing that has ever happened to me. 

So thank you. Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for giving me a reason to live. And thank you for being my miracle.